Sunday, 9 October 2011

Attraction: What Causes it?

This morning I am thinking about attraction and wondering what really causes it. A couple of recent events are playing over and over in my mind and have got me thinking.

Some background information is needed here. First I am not a young woman. (Well I am in my head.) I am just days shy of turning 49. Second, I am not the model type. I have a few extra pounds to lose and while I am working on it, there is a ways to go. Third, I am not stunningly beautiful. (Well, except in my head.) But I am considered cute and some have even said good looking. Okay, so now that we have established those facts, on with the rant.

A few days ago, a friend and I went for lunch. We had a fabulous time and shared a lot of laughter as we usually do. (We bring happiness where ever we go. Sometimes by being there; more often after we are gone. LOL) Our waiter was a male. I would guess early thirties. He really seemed to be enjoying our antics. The same cannot be said of the group of straight-laced women a few tables over, but that’s another story. He laughed and joked and teased with us and made constant eye contact with me. Now, where I’m from, that indicates interest or at least a bit of flirting. Long story short, when we left, he gave me his phone number. Wow. Now this guy was cute. Damned cute, but in my mind waaay to young for me. Still it was flattering. This was the first event that started me wondering about attraction.

A few days later, I hit the mall, it was waxing day. Let’s not even discuss the waxing process. Holy Ouch! I arrived early and had half an hour or so to wait. I am not a shopper, so I grabbed a coffee and settled myself down on one of those nice comphy couches for some people watching. I had only been there a few minutes when this young fella asked if he could sit beside me. Although there were other empty chairs I agreed knowing that sometimes you just want to look a certain direction. So he sits down and introduces himself as Bill and immediately launches into a conversation. We chatted a while about nothing, all the while I am wondering if he is just the chatty sort or what. Before long I had to leave and when I stood up to go, he asked if he could buy me dinner later. Yikes! A twenty something wanting to buy me dinner? I declined as gracefully as I could and moved on.
 
So, is it the cougar thing? Are you a cougar if they stalk you? Damned if I know.

So time marches on … I am standing in line at Starbucks. (I am a Tim’s Girl, but was getting something for the spawn.) The gentleman comes in and stands behind me and as we wait, he strikes up a conversation with me. Okay so this seems more reasonable. He looks about 50-55 ish. Much more my age and in my comfort zone. It takes a while to move to the front of the line, as it always does in these places, and we chat about things in general. Before long he is offering to buy my coffee. I was tempted to skip the visit with my daughter and spend some time with him. He was average looking but had the sweetest smile and laughing eyes. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not interested in cheating on my husband, but it is nice to be the center of a man’s attention. In the end, I declined once again and went to visit with the kid.

So now, in less than a week, I have had three men express interest in me and I am curious what sparked that interest. I have a few theories.

First, for the younger fellas, I’m going with the cougar theme. Makes sense to me. Second, for the fella who was my age, general friendliness on both our parts and perhaps some common interests.

Third, could it be sex appeal? Do I have it? I’ve been told yes. I have a friend (more than one actually. LOL) Sheila (not her real name) is one of those friends you only see every few months, but fall back into the friendship as if you were never apart. We haven’t seen each other for almost two years as we’ve both been crazy busy. Sure we talked on the phone, but no face to face meetings. Anyway, a few weeks ago she told me that something about me had changed. When I asked her what, she said I ooze sensuality and sexual confidence. I do??? Holy Hell Batman! Who knew? Certainly not me!

Okay, so all my life, I have lacked self-confidence. Deep inside I have known that I was a valuable person and that I was moderately attractive. Although I have to admit, that I never quite felt I measured up. It didn’t bother me; it is just how I felt.

Now my husband plays sports and I like to go watch him play. (Sharing your spouse’s interests is good for the marriage!) So over the last couple of years, I have attended as many games as possible and that makes me rather an oddity. Most of the wives never watch, and a few watch occasionally. Initially, the guys were wary and stayed away from me. Now, to a man they all greet me and spend a few minutes chatting me up. Damned good for the ego! One of them mentioned that it was “smoking hot” that I spent so much time watching my man. I laughed at the time, but it got me thinking. (I think a lot, but rarely ever reach a conclusion.)

So as time progressed and I talked to the boys, my self-confidence grew and I began to feel better about myself. Don’t get me wrong, I never felt bad, but I started feeling better.  I think this is part of what gave me the sexual self-confidence. I visited with a male-friend recently and he mentioned the change as well and told me that to a man, self-confidence and sensuality trump a hot body every time. It’s all about the mind being into it, not how a person looks. This was one of those you had to be there moments, because in no way did it seem like he was insulting my body, and strangely it wasn’t like he was hitting on me. Ours is not that type of friendship. Just friends, no benefits!

 So there you have it, a long rambling post with no real point, except to say that sexual self-confidence turns guys on. Oh, and I have it! LOL!

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Katie