I'm Katie O'Connor and I am, among other things, a writer of romance and erotica. I live in the Great White North, Canada.
I love playing with words. I blog about any thing and everything that pops into my head.
Someday I want to publish a mixed genre novel. It is going to be an erotic, shape shifter, vampire, steampunk, sci-fi, murder mystery, adventure, romantic, western, historical thriller. It will be my biography.
Warning: On occasion I post things of an adult nature.
Things are moving and shaking around here. It is a busy time in the world of Katie O’Connor
and when life gets hectic, I always find myself re-evaluating my life. Do you
ever get in one of those moods when you think about all the things you are
doing and wonder how you got so busy? I’m there now and I’m trying to understand
what takes up all my time so that I never seem to get anything done. This isn’t
complaining it is just my over-active mind sorting things out and figuring out
where I am.
Although I am enjoying it, this having a job takes
up a lot of time. Toting around 30lb bags of dog food is definitely going to
help get me in shape. I’m also working out again. After seven months of being
unable to exercise I am enjoying the gym. Okay, maybe enjoying is the wrong
word, but I am getting down there three or four times a week and I am shrinking
back into shape again. I really do wish someone would invent a magic fitness pill.
This having to find effort, dedication and will power is for the birds. Working
out does increase my energy and we all know that my heart and lungs can use the
workout and being fitter is never a bad thing. (Please, no lectures please on
the incorrect usage of fitter.)
The other things taking up my time? My quilting
business, carting the cat back and forth to the vet. (I am cat sitting my
daughter’s cats until the baby gets bigger.) There is always writing, rewriting
and editing to be done. I won’t try to fool you by saying housework takes up my
time because I only do the minimum. (After all dust bunnies are an endangered
species and I like to think of my house as a game preserve for them. I am
pretty sure I saw a dust-rhino yesterday.)
Having a new grandbaby is a wondrous thing. She is
a delight and I am spending hours just holding her, feeding her and cuddling
her. I’m pretty sure my son-in-law is getting torqued at finding me in his
house all the time, but who cares? J
What am I missing in my life right now? Time for
friends, old and new, is lacking. It’s been a long time since I opened a book
or fired up my Kindle. There was a time in my life when I finished a book every
second day, and I’m missing that, but then again I didn’t do much besides read
back then. I haven’t spent much time in my studio lately, and I can hear it
calling my name. I’m hoping to make a journey soon to see my folks and my
sister in Edmonton. Oh, and a journey to Regina to visit my BFF now that I have
Clearly, I need to develop some time management
skills. Maybe if I got off my ass in the evening I could spend some time in my
studio which is pure pleasure for me. Or maybe I could do some reading, which I
love. I have been sneaking in some doodling lately which is nice. I’ll never be
able to draw and I’m good with that, but doodling is relaxing and entertaining.
So after much self-evaluation, I have concluded
that my life is good, I am lazy, and I need to create more time for family and
friends. Being busy is good it keeps me from getting bored.
I made a short journey today. It was only about a
three mile round trip to the grocery store and back. During the course of that
trip, I was cut off three times. Five times I waited patiently for on-coming
traffic to pass so that I could turn left. Four of those times the drivers eventually
turned across in front of me without signalling. Okay at this point I would just like to say the
next time you get in your car, take a look at the left side of your steering
column just behind your steering wheel. There, you will find a funny little
lever. If you push this lever up it turns on flashing lights on the front and
back of your vehicle indicating to other drivers that you wish to turn right.
If you push it down, it shows them that you wish to turn left.
As I’m sure you
already know being part of a relationship isn’t always easy. I’m not just
talking marriage; I’m talking about relationships with your spouse, children,
parents and friends. Maybe even with co-workers. None of them are easy or
Sometimes I am
astounded by how easily people give up on what should or could be a great
relationship. Too many people run off at the earliest sign of trouble or
disagreement. I can’t help but think that nobody ever told them that life isn’t
easy, it isn’t fair; but most of all, all relationships take work. Lots of
I’m not a relationship
expert by any stretch of the imagination, but I’ve been with my man for thirty
five years. Life as a couple hasn’t always been easy, but it has been worth
fighting for. What I have learnt over the years is quite simple.
1.Relationships are give
and take. Sometimes you are doing all the giving; sometimes you are doing all
the taking. The best times are when give and take balance. Don’t be afraid to
give, it will come back to you.
2.Never make it
personal. When you fight (and all relationships have bickering) try not to
attack your partner personally. If your issue is his dirty socks littering the
hallway, don’t call him a slob. (That’s making it personal.) Tell him that the
dirty socks bother you and you would appreciate it if he could keep them picked
up. The difference is slight, but it is easier on his ego and generally causes
less hurt and backlash. (And whatever you do don’t say “For god’s sake will you
just pick up your f’ing socks?”)
3.Try to remember that
we all have crappy days. Be understanding when he comes home and doesn’t want
to interact with you until he unwinds. We all have those days where we just
want to kick something, let that feeling pass before you invade his space.
Listen to him bitch and whine about things. Yes he is grumpy and venting, but
it isn’t directed at you, you are just his sounding board and a way to unwind.
It is a sign of trust that he can act this way around you.
4.Suck it up buttercup.
Yes I said it. Sometimes we just have to suck up our hurt feelings and get on
with life. In an ideal world, nobody would ever say or do anything to hurt
another person: but shit happens! Get over it. Move along.
5.Never go to bed angry.
This sounds like an easy one, but it isn’t. People fight. But there is no sense
in going to bed angry, you aren’t going to sleep anyway, and neither is your
partner. Spend some time analysing why you are upset and talk it out. Look deep
and find the forgiveness that you know is inside. Try to understand his point
of view. I’m not saying forget, because that isn’t going to happen, but try to
forgive and find understanding. Hash it out before you go to sleep. Kiss and
make up. Enough said. (Don’t forget the make-up sex!)
6.Be the bigger man.
Sometimes being right isn’t right. We’ve all been there, having an argument and
knowing that we are right and not being able to make them see our side or win
the argument. But there are times when it is best to give in and give up. This
one is hard to explain, but sometimes the best course of action is to back down
and let him have his way. You’ll always know you were right, and I am betting
that he’ll figure that out eventually.
7.Share his interests.
This one doesn’t require any explanation. Just spend time doing what he likes
doing. Watch him play hockey sometimes, even if it feels like watching paint
dry. Learn something about what interests him and try to share his passion. (My
man will never be a quilter, but he listens when I talk, asks questions and
tries to share my enthusiasm for it.)
8.Choose your battles.
Not every issue is worth fighting over. Remember this, learn it, and know it
deep inside. Some fights just aren’t worth the grief they cause. Step back and
consider things. Save your fights for the important things, otherwise you could
find yourself fighting hard for something that in the long run means nothing
and then lacking the gumption to fight for the big items.
For example … our car
is butt friggen ugly. It is rusty and crappy looking. But it is mechanically sound
and runs like a charm (except the really loud exhaust.) I would love a new car
or even to have the muffler fixed so it was quieter. He gets a kick out of the
loud sound. Sigh. We really can’t afford a new car right now, so there is no
sense kicking up a fuss about it. To do so would just add stress to our lives.
Yes, he knows I want a new car; but I’m not going to push for one because it
just isn’t worth fighting over. (If it were a mechanical wreck, then it would
be worth fighting over.)
I’m not saying be a
doormat here, just think about the argument and decide if it is worth the
effort and strife. Is this the fight you want to have, or do you want to save
the argument for something that actually means something to you. Something big.
9.Give him space. You
have friends, he has friends. You don’t need to spend every waking minute
together. Spend time apart too. Do your own thing. See your own friends, let
him have time with his. Jealousy has no place here. There is no sense in making
him stay home when he really wants to be out with the boys. He’ll just be
miserable. Let him go out, let him have fun. He’ll be much happier when he gets
back! Give him time to do his thing, it leaves you time to do yours and you’ll
both come back renewed and refreshed and happy to be together.
10.Honesty really is the
best policy. No secrets, no lies, no hiding the truth through evasion or lies
of omission. Honesty leads to trust. No relationship can survive without trust in each other. There is no way to make it clear how important this is!
11.Stand up for him.
Defend him if he needs it. And don’t be slamming him to your friends. Yes, we
all talk about our problems and difficulties. But there is a huge difference
between commiserating and just being nasty. Find that line and stay on the good
side of it.
12.Don’t be afraid to
show your feelings, to him, and to the world. You love this guy for a reason.
Why by shy about it? There is a real pleasure in having someone in your life
who isn’t afraid to show the world that you are special to them!
13.Hug often. I once read
that everyone needs three hugs a day to stay happy and healthy. Personally, I
don’t think that is enough! I hug my family every time I see them. (Even my
son-in-laws and brother-in-laws on occasion, though I think it creeps them out.
*grin*) I hug my friends too, but not often enough. Hug, hug, hug. I can’t say
it enough. Hug!
Hopefully this all makes sense. I’m not advocating
backing down all the time, or becoming subservient to your partner’s needs with
no regard for your own. I’m saying that life is give and take. The more you
give, the more you will get. Take pleasure in doing right by your partner and
being there for him when he needs you, and in knowing he’ll be there for you when you
need him. Work together. You loved each other to join your lives, now you need
to love each other enough to make it work. And don’t forget that you are going
to have some bitching, screaming, name calling, ugly fights. Those fights are
just part of life.