Friday, 27 April 2012

Cast Your Seed Where You May?

            You may have noticed that this blog runs the gamut of topics. Romance, sex, writing, my life, venting, a bit of humour, today’s post is about something so far out you won’t even believe it.
Before you read any further, it is only fair to warn you that what you are about to read will burn your retinas out. There isn’t enough bleach in the world to clear off the image. I know, because I saw it first-hand!
I’ve seen some strange things in my life, and I’m sure that in the future I’ll see some things I never expected to see. But what I witnessed the other day takes the cake.

It started when I was out running errands with the Spawn. It had been a good morning and we were headed home. We pull up to a light with one car in front of us. A white pickup truck pulls up just past us on our right, but not all the way up to the light. He stopped halfway between us and the car in front of us. Here’s where things start to go awry. I look over and his left arm and shoulder are jerking and twitching around.
            Joking, I say, “Look at that guy. He’s jacking off.”
            The Spawn looks over and laughs. “It sure looks like it,” she agrees and we joke back and forth a bit about how funny it looks, and about how nasty our minds must be to even think that way.
            The guy, about 65, big, fat and nasty looking; seems to be staring at the phone in his right hand and is twitching his left to beat the band …. Or whatever.
            The light changes, we start going, but he doesn’t move. We look over at him, his arm is jerking faster and his face is all scrunched up and he has that pleasure-pain look of a man in orgasm. IN HIS TRUCK! At one in the afternoon! ICK!
            I’m all for fun and games in the car, but couldn’t he wait until he got home? Or until he found a secluded parking lot? I guess when the urge strikes you just have to go for it.

            Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go bleach my eyes.


PS: I'll try to get back to the stages of seduction soon.

Saturday, 7 April 2012

Today: I Vent!

I’m having an issue here and I have to vent about it before I go nuts and do something I’ll regret. What’s my issue? Well, I’m glad you asked! My problem lies in the three inch screen.

Yeah, you heard me right. The three inch screen! It seems like everywhere you go; people can’t take their eyes off of their phones.

We’ve grown entirely too attached to our cell phones. I admit it; I’m bad, but not as bad as a lot of people I know. Digital contact is replacing face to face contact. Texting, emails, instant messaging; it’s crazy. It seems like people would rather send a message than actually talk to you. I have actually received text messages from people in the same room with me. Really? What the hell is that all about? Just talk to me! We are losing our real connections to our friends and family because we are so wrapped up in electronic communication. It’s been a creeping plague. First it was just a phone for emergency contact or business use. Then we added texting, handy for keeping tabs on the kids. Next came the internet with all its bells and whistles. Oh I admit it is nice to be able to look something up while you’re out and about, but there are limits.

Tell me why you would pay big money for tickets to a concert or major sporting event and then spend the entire game texting or surfing the web on your phone? Holy bloody hell! It drives me bat shit crazy! It’s all I can do to keep myself from grabbing their phone and pitching it across the Saddledome. Grrr.

Can we not resist the lure of that three inch screen for a couple of hours? Can we not go to an event and spend one evening without contacting other people? Will whatever you’re looking up on the internet not wait until after the game? Do you really need to follow the game on the web while you are AT the game?

I swear that some of these kids could be at an historic event, watching it happen live and be busy trying to find it on You-Tube rather than actually paying attention. Gak!

It’s the same when the family comes over for dinner. I don’t begrudge you taking phone calls, or answering an occasional text message. But if you’ve come to see me, do me the courtesy of talking to me and leave the internet alone. It is not necessary to be in constant contact with everyone you know at every second of every day. Facebook, Google and Twitter will wait. Isn’t what’s happening around you important too? Don’t you want to spend some quality time with real-live people?

The answer to the question, “Want to go for a coffee?” should never be, “Naw, I’m just going to go on chat and see who’s on Facebook.” We are in danger of losing all human contact in favor of our cutesy little phones with their three inch screens. Get a grip people, before you make me do something I regret. Because I swear that one of these days, I’m gonna grab someone’s phone and stuff it right up their ass. Enough said!

Is this an issue for you or is it just me?