I'm Katie O'Connor and I am, among other things, a writer of romance and erotica. I live in the Great White North, Canada.
I love playing with words. I blog about any thing and everything that pops into my head.
Someday I want to publish a mixed genre novel. It is going to be an erotic, shape shifter, vampire, steampunk, sci-fi, murder mystery, adventure, romantic, western, historical thriller. It will be my biography.
Warning: On occasion I post things of an adult nature.
Today, I’m talking
about sexual attraction and attitude.
Have you ever wondered
why some people attract you and others don’t? I know I have. I’m not talking
about looks here. Think about that one person you know that is average looking,
or even nothing special, that you find compelling or attractive or irresistible.
What is it that makes them that way? Why do they stand out for you?
I have been trying to
understand how attitude plays into sexual attraction. With this in mind, I have
been man watching and woman watching. (I can be a very naughty girl.) I got to studying
a group of men and wondering why some of them intrigued me and some left me
cold. They were all reasonably attractive, clean cut, decently dressed and well
groomed, so that wasn’t it.
So what was it?
Finally I decided that it had to be their attitudes that were influencing me. One
joked and laughed a lot but was quite crude and critical. The most physically
attractive of the group seemed downright grumpy. Scratch both of them off my
list. (Please no lectures on being understanding of another man’s troubles. That
is not the point of this post.)
Number three stood
quietly to the side with a big smile on his face, clearly enjoying what was
going on around him. The forth spent time talking with different people, moving
about the group and interacting with everyone. The third and fourth guys were quite
attractive to me.
There were others in
the group, but none who stood out as either appealing or unappealing; they just
kind of blended in. In a nutshell, it was the attitudes that drew me in,
repulsed me or didn’t affect me at all.
This brings me around
to the other side of the equation. I consider myself to be an average looking
woman. Not stunning, not ugly. I’m short and my body is … squishy; somewhere
between thin and obese. (Luxuriously upholstered I’ve been told. LOL) I try to
be a nice person and smile as much as I can. I’m no Laughing Lisa, but neither am
I a Negative Nelly. In terms of brains … average. I’m pretty much all around
Okay, so how to go
about discussing this without sound all self-important, stuck-up and vain …
okay there is no way so I’ll just forge ahead and damn the critics. I think
that other people find me attractive.
I dated a lady once.
(Oh my god! Yes, I have dated women. Deal with it.) She told me that I had
something special, something she couldn’t put her finger on, but something that
she found crazily attractive. (Kind of makes me wish we hadn't lost touch.) My husband tells me that I draw men like moths to
a flame. (But who believes him? He has to say nice things about me. ) J
I admit that I have a
lot of male friends. Guys I meet through one thing or another just seem to like
keeping in touch with me. They are not boyfriends
or lovers. Just friends. Platonic. Basically they are like girlfriends with
dangly bits. (Okay. I know I’m gonna get some flak for that one!) We talk about
a lot of things. They tell me they wish their wives/girlfriends were more like
me. They tell me that I am nice to talk to and that my attitude makes me
special; it makes me stand out from other women. I’m sure some of this is “the
grass is always greener” but it can’t all be wishful thinking.
My friend HD and I
have been known to lady watch together. We discuss what we see, what we like
and what we think about them. We kind of compete to see who can spot the
attractive women first. He is often quick to compare women and say he prefers one
over the other because she seems more pleasant, or less stuck-up, or happier,
or smiles more. We have talked a lot about attitude.
He has said (I’m
paraphrasing here from a number of conversations) that what makes a woman SEXUALLY
attractive isn’t her looks, her size, her brain, her clothes, or her make-up;
it is her attitude. He claims that sexual attraction often
lies in how she treats you, how far you think she’ll go, what she’ll do for or with
you, and how much of her attention she will give you. Will she participate or
Okay, so was there a
point to this rambling post? I forget. Sigh.
Oh yeah! Keep your
eyes open, watch people’s attitudes. But more importantly watch your own. What
attitude are you projecting? Is it the one you want to project to others? I
know that when I want to seduce my man, how I act, what I do or say influences
his reaction. All men want that naughty girl in their bed; the one that will do
or say anything to fire him up the one that is happy to see him and be with him.
They want the women who participates fully and isn’t shy about sharing her
needs and her pleasure. I don’t think women are any different. Certainly I have
more fun when hubby is into it fully and is not distracted by life. The more
fun he is having, the more fun I have. The more fun I have, the more fun he
has. It is a delightful circle.
So go, be free….shape
up that attitude and become the sexy person you should be. See if it doesn’t
draw potential partners to you like the proverbial moth to a flame.